Special Possessions

When I was younger, my brother and I took care of dogs.  One for each of us.  My female dog’s name was PeeWee.  I really do now know her breed but she was that type with short body, less than 1 feet tall.  She got stuck in a canal one rainy afternoon with her chain tied to the grasses.  It took me 3 days to find where she could be.  I just noticed the teeth and the tail.  She must have struggled from being drowned. We love her so much that we were mourning over her death.  She was the Madonna of the house.  From that day onwards I said I wouldn’t want to own a dog. 

My brother’s dog was a kind dog.  His name was Toytoy.  He was a kind dog, I was rude to him.  We left him at our old rented house when we moved to my grandma’s house.  But when we went to visit the village again, we saw him there so excited to see us again.  He did not leave us at all, he was following us wherever we went.  Surely, he took on the vehicle we rode going back to my grandma’s house.  Toytoy found it difficult to live in the new place.  We were from the village and moved to a city.  The cars were new to him, the street and the noise.  One day, there was fire far from our house.  He got hit by a car that made him limp.  He was older then.  He had fever and was chilling.  After few months he got used to it.  But his life was not spared when a flood came.  The flood was almost 4ft high.  I do not know what happened to him.  He must have struggled much.

Losing our dogs have impacted my life so much.  I became a person who is scared of losing someone I know I should always be with – family members and dogs.  As I mentioned, we never took care of dogs at all.  It is the same fear I feel when I think of my son.  I do not think I will be able to carry on if I will lose him.  I might end up not wanting to have any kid at all if that happens.

Common sense

"An intellectual is a man who doesn't know how to park a bike." - Spiro Agnew

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My worst date ever

at was your worst date? I met a man in a coffee shop. He was there sitting with cup of coffee infront of him which I believe was his and another glass of what I assume is a cold coffee across him. My first question was, did he see someone before I came? Second, Did the Gloria Jean Coffee people forget to clean the table? Assuming that the second point happened before I came, I sat and observed him while he was asking me how I was and how was my day. I came dressed in a cute black dress, black shoes, black bag and with make-up on. Infront of me was a man at his late 20’s wearing a gray sleeveless, dark blue shorts and slippers. He was good looking though, so it was ok. So, we went ahead with conversation. He asked me what I was doing the past days. I told him I was doing something for the church to help raise fund at least. Then he started sharing ideas on how a church can actually come up with financial returns. Then he next ask me about future plans. I told him I do have plans but I do not see them happening soon. So he continued asking me about my income, assets and insurance. I slowly felt I was either with a right person in a wrong place or the right place with the wrong person. It felt like a job interview, financial consultation and lifestyle evaluation. Damn, that was quick. In just 20 minutes he looked like a salesman to me! He told me he is going to let me meet his friend for further progress in my life. I said I will contact him about it but I never did. I blocked him on everything where he could possibly contact me.

Sigh.

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Pity party

When I told my Mom one day that I will not have anything to do with my brother at all, she stopped communicating with me.  I am now 29 years old.  I can still feel the favoritism.  :-(

OFW Agony

I miss home

I miss Philippines

But there is a part of me

That brings me back to wilderness

I do not have to

But I have to

Where opportunity leads me

I will go

My country is rich

But everywhere is glitch

How do we stay

When it is better to be away

Ah, a new president

Facing the so-called torment

He has a lot to do

How about jobs for OFW?

I want to go home

To where I belong

If there’s only job at hand

I can live in my native land

-TinaZ-

He will find me

For the past weeks since I went home, I have repeatedly said I did not feel God.  And that I do not understand how I feel.  It was like an empty space.  Annihilated?  Sort of.  There was nothing.  But my thoughts were still remembering the God I used to serve.  I remembered the time I traded my life to become a better person.  I watched videos of me and my friends from the church.  I gathered videos on Youtube that speaks of His goodness and my worth.  I went to watch concert of a worship band (encsmusic & Citipointe).  And I started praying.  I listened to worship songs while praying. 

I know myself.  I am that type who would rather slip away than be in trouble, that type who chooses to be silent and just wander like nothing happened.  But God knows me more than anyone in this world. And I know He was just looking at me struggling with my unknown emotion.  This is the time when “I am lost” line is very familiar.

The verse from Matthew 28:19-20 was just popping around – in books, videos, conversations, church sermons and everywhere.  This verse came so alive to me while I was reading a book in January this year.  That was that season of seeking God’s guidance for the future.  I shivered when I read the verse.  It did not only reminded me that I was made to be His servant but He promised that whatever I am going through, wherever it will be, He will be with me always.

Just in time, a pastor said “I can see God embracing you.  He is saying “I want you to feel me too, heart to heart”. 

It started to soften my hardened heart.  The songs I listened to made it softer than any marshmallow.  There is one song from All The Way album of Encsmusic that really moved me and made me feel God again.  Who will go, that is the title.  I felt that it was God singing, asking me who will do it for Him.  I am just one of the many, with little faith and my not-so-great ability, God knows I am able as He is the one who made me.

One thing I realized, being lost and found (again).  He owns me.  I am His.  No matter how far I drift away, He will find me.

Be like the bamboo: 7 lessons from the Japanese forest

The forests that surround our village here in Nara, Japan are filled with beautiful bamboo trees. In Japan, the symbolism of the bamboo plant runs deep and wide and offers practical lessons for life and for work. I summarized the lessons below with presentation and learning in mind, but as you read these seven lessons from bamboo, try think of practical implications for your own work.

(1) Bend but don't break. Be flexible yet firmly rooted
  One of the most impressive things about the bamboo in the forest is how they sway with even the slightest breeze. This gentle swaying movement with the wind is a symbol of humility. Their bodies are hard and firm and yet sway gently in the breeze while their trunks stay rooted firmly in the ground below. Their foundation is solid even though they move and sway harmoniously with the wind, never fighting against it. In time, even the strongest wind tires itself out, but the bamboo remains standing tall and still. A bend-but-don't-break or go-with-the-natural-flow attitude is one of the secrets for success whether we're talking about bamboo trees, answering tough questions in a Q&A session, or just dealing with the everyday vagaries of life.

(2) Remember: What looks weak is strongThe body of a single bamboo tree is not large by any means when compared to the other much larger trees in the forest. It may not look impressive at first sight at all. But the plants endure cold winters and extremely hot summers and are sometimes the only trees left standing in the aftermath of a typhoon. They may not reach the heights of the other trees, but they are strong and stand tall in extreme weather. Bamboo is not as fragile as it may appear, not by a long shot. Remember the words of a great Jedi Master: "Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size do you?" We must be careful not to underestimate others or ourselves based only on old notions of what is weak and what is strong. You may not be from the biggest company or the product of the most famous school, but like the bamboo, stand tall, believe in your own strengths, and know that you are as strong as you need to be.

(3) Be always readyUnlike other types of wood which take a good deal of processing and finishing, bamboo needs little of that. As the great Aikido master Kensho Furuya says in Kodo: Ancient Ways, "The warrior, like bamboo, is ever ready for action." In presentation or other professional activities too, through training and practice, we can develop in our own way a state of being ever ready.
(4) Unleash your power to spring back
Bamboo is a symbol of good luck and one of the symbols of the New Year celebrations in Japan. The important image of snow-covered bamboo represents the ability to spring back after experiencing adversity. In winter the heavy snow bends the bamboo back and back until one day the snow becomes too heavy, begins to fall, and the bamboo snaps back up tall again, brushing aside all the snow. The bamboo endured the heavy burden of the snow, but in the end it had to power to spring back as if to say "I will not be defeated."

(5) Find wisdom in emptiness It is said that in order to learn, the first step is to empty ourselves of our preconceived notions. One can not fill a cup which is already full. The hollow insides of the bamboo reminds us that we are often too full of ourselves and our own conclusions; we have no space for anything else. In order to receive knowledge and wisdom from both nature and people, we have to be open to that which is new and different. When you empty your mind of your prejudices and pride and fear, you become open to the possibilities.
  
(6) Commit to (continuous) growthBamboo trees are among the fastest-growing plants in the world. It does not matter who you are — or where you are — today, you have amazing potential for growth. We usually speak of Kaizen or continuous improvement that is more steady and incremental, where big leaps and bounds are not necessary. Yet even with a commitment to continuous learning and improvement, our growth — like the growth of the bamboo — can be quite remarkable when we look back at what or where we used to be. Even though the bamboo that is outside my window grows quite rapidly, I do not notice its growth from day to day. We too, even when we are making progress, may not notice our own improvement. How fast or how slow is not our main concern, only that we're moving forward. The bamboo grows fastest around the rainy season. You too may have "seasons" where growth accelerates, but is slower at other times. Yet with sustained effort, you are always growing. Do not be discouraged by what you perceive as your lack of growth or improvement. If you have not given up, then you are growing, you just may not see it until much later.

(7) Express usefulness through simplicity
Aikido master Kensho Furuya says that "The bamboo in its simplicity expresses its usefulness. Man should do the same." Indeed, we spend a lot of our time trying to show how smart we are, perhaps to convince others — and ourselves — that we are worthy of their attention and praise. Often we complicate the simple to impress and we fail to simplify the complex out of fear that others may know what we know. Life and work are complicated enough without our interjecting the superfluous. If we could lose our fear, perhaps we could be more creative and find simpler solutions to even complex problems that ultimately provide the greatest usefulness for our audiences, customers, patients, or students.

In a dry season

I’ve been standing strong.  I thought so.  Things are just not working favorably as I saw it for the past days.  And yet I know that no matter how I see things, it will NEVER be the same way how God sees me and my situation.  My quiet times and Bible reading have ceased.  I just do not hear Him, feel Him.  Yes, I still have short prayers.  But He doesn’t deserve it.  I am drying up and is in a dry season.  Because I know walking away from Him will not do me good, I still worship Him.  It is odd to need music just to lift my soul back but it is working for me and may work for others.  It is crushing my heart and is wanting more of Him.  I realized that no matter how heavy the circumstances are, I should not let go one of the following: prayer, Bible reading, talking to a sibling in Christ, worship and going to church.  Surely, one of it will heal me.  Then doing each back one by one will please Him.  Just like the bamboo, bend but don't break. Be flexible yet firmly rooted in Him.